I have struggled my entire adult life with obesity. I guess it started back in 1996'ish when my family moved to Duluth, Ga. I was a sophmore in highschool and moved from a small town in Alabama. In Alabama I was active in volleyball and softball. I did not realize it at that time, but those sports just kept me from gaining weight mainly because my eating habits were horrible. I spent alot of time being active and this would prove to be the only reason I would not blow up until my lifestyle shifted to a more sedentary type.
Much to my dismay the school I moved to did not have a volleyball team and the only softball team the school had was fast pitch. Well, fast pitch was not my thing, so I just joined the choir. Well, the choir is NOT an exercise for the body.... duh! While I adjusted to the new community, I consumed tons of calories and quit my active lifestyle. The endless consumption of the calories would begin to start my downward spiral to emotional eating issues.
The weight came on something fierce! I have heard many times that the amount of weight you gain doesn't truly hit you right away. I believe that to be totally true.. How many of us have either had our picture taken or one day woke up and freaked out at how FAT we looked. It was not until I visited back home to Alabama when I realized that I was out of control. As a young teenager I did not know how to eat correctly. I never had to worry about it because I was always active. Anyways, I began to realize that I had to do something. So, I joinged Weight Watchers (WW) with my mom and started to eat right and exercise. I believe I lost about 30 pounds and I felt great. I can remember one picture in particular where I thought I looked great (except the huge zit on my freakin chin)!!!
When I joined WW the first time I was 16. I say that because it leads me to my current pathway of changing my life.
We moved to Midland, Texas in 1997. I was not excited to move mainly due to relationships that I had developed in Georgia. I was 18 when I moved to Midland and a senior in highschool. I found out that the school had a volleyball team, but still played fast pitch. Something came over me and I decided to try out for the volleyball team. Now, it has been a good 2 years since Emily even stepped on the volleyball court and a good 40 pounds had nestled into the joints and muscles of ole Em's body. I decided to try anyways... oh dear Jesus, I wish someone would have stopped the fat, white, redneck girl from even attempting to try out. It was humiliating and I had forgotten how to do the majority of the plays. By far the most embarrassing days of my life. I ended up coming up with some fake doctors note about why I could not continue.... UGH can you say mortifying.
Well, those days of emotional eating crept back up... and off I went again. I don't know what it is about moving to a new place other than loneliness, fear, uncertainty.. to name a few.... that would cause someone to gain weight. But I did... oh man did I. I blew up to over 220 pounds. I joined the choir again because singing is the one thing I could do and I do it well! AND you don't have to be fit, tiny, or cool to enroll. Soon after joining the choir I started working as a student in the work program and decided that I needed to try and get the extra pounds off. I did the Atkins diet. Oh man...when I finished that I weighed about 175 and wore a size 14 pants. That was exciting for me because I can still remember wearing my moms black pants (her skinny pants)!! WOO HOO!
I stayed slim for a while and the weight started creeping back up after about 9 months. I went to college, moved out, had a horrible ending to a relationship all at once... here came the emotional eating issues... A-freaking-gain!!! UGH! Can you say learn from the past Emily?
I met my husband and I wore a size 18 the night I met him. Well, after 2 years of dating we got married... I wore a size 22 wedding gown!!! Now remember those gowns are just too dang small so I told myself that I actually wore a size or two smaller.... *you gotta do what you gotta do to not face the truth... you see*
I spent the next couple of years yo-yo dieting and my weight fluctuated about 40-50 pounds off and on these so-called diets. I went to nursing school and joined Weigh of Life.... I lost about 57 pounds and I felt great in the 2nd semester of school. Well by the end of school good ole Em had gained it all back plus the neighborhood friends!! I contributed it to the stress of school...don't get me wrong... nursing school was the definition of STRESS!!! (Can I get a holla from my nursing friends) If you did not get divorced, gain weight, or start cursing uncontrollably then you were failing out of school!!!
I ended up getting pregnant in 2005 and that pregnancy just about had every single problem you could have! I now know it was due to obesity. After Coop was born, I was severely depressed and I lost a bunch of weight! I looked great... but guess what... Emily got her some good meds and started to eat it up... there I went again... Blew up!!! Oh the patterns...
I joined WW again in 2007 and quit after losing about 20 pounds. I also did the Atkins diet, weigh of life, cabbage diet (OMG), and the rice diet. I can remember dreaming about rice.... disgusting. Recently in the past 2 years I did the HCG diet. I lost great weight on the HCG diet and got skinnier than I have been in a while (until now). I ate broccoli until my sclera was green... can't even begin to look at the stuff now... I eventually quit eating 800 calories a day and gained it all back. I wanted to get pregnant so I quit the HCG and I blew up again. Are you exhausted yet??? Well I am!!
This brings me to last January 2010. I started running and taking Hydroxycut for Women. Oh man that stuff was like encapsulated crack... I ran like Forrest and I started losing weight. I hurt my foot and had to go see a podiatrist...that was when I found out that I was pregnant. OMG!! It finally happened.
Well, that story is sad and long story short... I blew up one mo time!! (hopefully the last) I knew that I needed to do something, but my gosh I had tried everything and the same ending always prevailed. I went through some low cost fertility treatments and nothing worked. Looking back now I can say that it was a blessing (if you know me at all you know that is a difficult thing for me to admit)... for that time would prove to be the beginning to the New Life RN.
I spent the next couple of months exploring alternative treatments to fertility like herbal and surgical options and finally concluded after some sad news that I just needed to get the weight off and try again later. Now, imagine the feeling when you decide something needs to happen, but you just know it is going to absolutely kill you to even try.... well that was an emotional rollercoaster... If you haven't recognized a pattern to Emily and her emotions then you must be brain dead. BUT this time, I did not blow up... I only had 2 additional stretch marks to my butt cheeks... OK just kidding. But you have to admit it is funny though!!!!
So this brings me to about August when I was on vacation in Del Rio. We were sitting around the table and a friend's mom said "Emily... why is your neck so white?" Well, I responded that it was from fat. I had gotten sun burned during the day, but the sun never saw my neck. UGH.... I was embarrassed, but as usual Emily makes a funny joke to take the attention away from her true feelings. I knew right there it was time. I had put this off long enough and if I continued down the current road, I would be the woman that the ambulance would have to take to the doctor because she wouldn't be able to walk. OR I would be the woman that would be house bound, bed bound, and the patient that I cared for that a whole piece of cake fell out of her fat rolls when she stood up... (true story)!!!
It's funny, but you see when would I have stopped? When I was 300, 400 or even 500 pounds. You say, Emily that is ridiculous... but is it? I mean, I spent the last 10 years yo-yoing. I just happened to catch myself before the huge gain happened. We all talk about not paying attention to the weight gain.. and that is true to a certain extent, but we know we are headed in a bad direction... We just ignore it, bc it is easier to make the joke than deal with the true feeling of obesity and the issues it brings to the table.
So, August 22, 2010 on the way home from Del Rio I decided that I would start back on the HCG plan. I chose that because I would lose the weight super quick and then I would switch to WW to keep it off! I took the first picture on the way home (yes I was driving, and yes Jason busted me while I was doing it)!
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| This was the last photo of me at my all time highest weight... Size 26/28 |
Stay tuned for the rest of the story...
